The Big Shots of Chicago

The media is having a field day with the fact that 57 people have been shot since last Friday in Chicago. The windy city has more bullets flying than Dodge during Wyatt Earp’s heyday.  But of course that’s not the whole story. The media never get things straight when reporting on hot button issues, do they? Here’s the real breakdown of the story:

  • Firing Squad Practice. The residents of Chicago just don’t realize that their town is at the top of the list for firing squad practice. Firing squads from all over the world come to Chicago to practice lining people up against a wall to blaze away at ’em. So when a Chicagoan comes around the corner and sees a man in a blindfold they walk up to him to find out what’s going on; those Chicago folk just can’t mind their own business.
  • A lot of the people who get shot are telemarketers — and you really can’t count them as human to begin with.
  • There seems to be a growing trend among Gen-Xers to drive or even take the bus into Chicago after they’ve already been shot someplace else, just so they can brag to their friends that they got shot during the weekend in Chicago. In fact, there’s a big market for t-shirts that read “I Got Shot In Chicago — What Did You Do This Weekend?”