Our List of the Best Universities in the US

It’s that time of year again. Forbes has come out with its top ten list of the best universities in the United States. Their criteria is pretty lame — things like grade point average of students and how well they do after graduation and how many teaching awards and Nobel Prizes their faculty have won and other unimportant stuff that frankly bores us to tears.

So we have done our own research to come up with an alternative List of the Best Universities. We think you’ll agree our picks are much more interesting and relevant than Forbes:

  • Pine Technical & Community College. Located in Pine City, Minnesota, their campus features so many pine trees that no one has been able to count them all. Maybe you’ll be the first one to succeed — and win a year’s supply of Old Dutch Onion & Garlic Potato Chips!
  • Baker College. Located among the scenic slag heaps of Flint, Michigan, this college, strangely enough, does not offer any baking classes. So it’s obviously a heavy duty party school. Beer pong here we come!
  • Academy for Law and Public Safety. It’s in Butler, New Jersey, and its prospectus says it prepares young people for careers in law enforcement. In New Jersey . . . law enforcement . . . right . . . your instructors will be Guido and Ice Pick Harry. Special tuition discount for squealers who bring their own cement.